1. The Job Offer

Its' all Katrin's fault. One night, during a very innocent quiet dinner, my best friend Katrin, who is visiting here in the US from Afghanistan asked me why I don't come back to Kabul. Katrin and I went to Afghanistan for the first time immediately after September 11th on what was suppose to be a week long trip and both of us fell in love with Kabul and ended up staying ever since. I came back to the US about 24 months ago for personal reasons and despite all my efforts to disconnect and try to settle back in California, I have failed. I opened my mouth to answer her but I couldn't come up with one good reason. 

I thought about my mom but I just sold the house and moved her closer to my sister. I thought about my brother but he's been slowly but surely showing that he's taking control of his life and becoming more responsible. I thought about my nieces but they will grow up on their own. My friends have all grown distant as they struggle to survive in this miserable economy. I thought about my job and the new promotion I had just been offered. It was really the only thing I could think of that I had to look forward to. 

Katrin waiting patiently for me to respond and when I didn't she finally began her "pitch". She told me that its definitely not the Kabul of 2002 where we both arrived young, fresh, curious and ready to change the country. But she told me about all the opportunities that are available. She explained the pros and the cons and I sat there and listened quietly. She warned me that security is not like it was. But that its not as bad as the Western media presents it either. She asked me what I have to lose? And again, I couldn't answer her. Then she told me all I had to gain. A new job, a new life, new opportunities, career advancement, financial security, to name a few. 

I went home that night and thought really hard about what she said. In the morning, I figured that I really had nothing to lose if I at least start looking around to see what kind of opportunities there really are out there. I went to the usual website where I check international job postings and posted my updated resume. The very next day, I got three email responses. Wow, I couldn't believe it. The responses were from a government institution, a donor organization and a private Media firm. I responded to all three and after completing many applications, conducting a series of phone interviews and going through endless nights of missed calls and waiting for emails to arrive, I got the "Job Offer". It wasn't perfect but it was good enough. 

It took me a full week of getting everyone's advice, sleepless nights sitting at Lake Elizabeth soul searching, and writing 3 drafts of my pros and cons list when I finally made my decision. I sent my acceptance email to Kabul and submitted my notice to my current employer. My mom looks devastated, my friends think I'm crazy, my coworkers think I'm on a suicide mission and yet they all tell me they are happy for me despite their utterly shocked expressions. The only person that is truly happy is Katrin. 

As for me, somewhere underneath my feelings of uncertainty of what to expect, nervousness about whether I can do the job or not, guilt for abandoning my family and friends and sadness for all the good byes that I have ahead of me, I am EXCITED about beginning this new journey, ECSTATIC about starting a new life, HOPEFUL for what I can do, EAGER to get back to my beloved Kabul and finally, after a very long time, I'm PEACEFUL.