30. Too close for comfort

6:30 AM, I am jolted out of bed by an explosion which sounds like an 18-wheeler just ran into the back of my wall. The window's shatter and my hanging light fixture is swinging back and forth. Before I can figure out what's happening, I hear the gun fire. It sounds like its coming from outside my front door. Impulse kicks in and I run to the window to see what's happening. Just as I reach the window, I get a call from my friend Katrin asking me if I'm ok. I told her I not hurt but there is a gun battle outside my house. I live right next to the Police Department. She quickly told me to get away from the windows. 

After living here for so long, I still can't seem to control my impulse reaction to get close to the action and see what's happening. I told her I would and hung up. 

I had no clue what was happening but figured from the force of the explosion and the gun fire that something must be happening pretty close by. I tried to turn on the TV to catch the breaking news but unfortunately my cable service was out and I had no reception. I tried to turn on the radio on my iPod but I had left my head phones at work and couldn't get any reception without them. I don't have an internet connection at my place and I picked up my phone to try and call someone...but I couldn't think of who to call. I was totally cut off from the world. Words can't begin to describe the emotions and feelings that ran through me at that moment. I had never felt so alone and vulnerable in my life. I am not scared of dying but living through these moments alive and conscious, in my opinion, is even harder. Your senses become extremely acute and every sound, smell, touch becomes more intense. For those 60 minutes when explosions were going off and gun fire ripped through the streets, your life is out of your hands. There is nothing to do but submit to a higher power and pray that it all ends quickly. 

About 30 minutes into the battle, one of my housemates knocked on my door and she looked like a mess. I can tell she had been crying. She is from Iran but is alone with no family in Kabul. I invited her in and tried my best to console her while internally I was just as much a mess as she was. We tried the TV again but no luck. About 30 minutes later, she left and I turned the TV on again to catch the very first breaking news report announcing that City Center Mall and Safi Land Mark Hotel have been the target of a major attack. They showed images of glass and rubble everywhere, people running for cover and police firing into the buildings. As the footage was being shown, another huge blast went off, knocking the camera man to the ground. I live exactly 2 short blocks away from the site and I couldn't believe that I was witnessing this all happening live on TV. What's worse is that it hit me for the first time, how really close I was to it all. We had no idea how many bombers were out there, what their targets were, or if they were contained. I started receiving text message after text message from our security staff, management, co-workers and friends asking about me as we consoled each other. So much was still uncertain and the gun battle was still raging. 

By 9:30 AM - 3 hours after it all began - the situation seemed to have been contained. I heard a total of 5 explosions all in all. I tried the TV once again, and was able to get enough reception to understand that 2 international guesthouses where Indian medical staff were staying, were the original targets of the attacks. Both buildings were completely destroyed and the death toll was rising by the minute. They managed to interview two Indian expats who had survived and they were breaking down as they gave an account of what had happened. My heart was breaking and I was crying along with them. They looked straight into the camera and said, "We are just medical workers and we are here to help the poor people." They looked so beaten and devastated. Its like they were pleading to the Afghan people for mercy. 

It was finally announced the Taliban had taken credit for the attack. Many political talk shows related the attacks to the talks that are going on this week between India and Pakistan. I don't know nor do I care about all the political factors involved but all I know is these harmless, gracious, courageous civilians and expats were once again, the target of a cowardly terrorist attack. The final death toll was announced as 17 (4 Indian, 1 Italian, 1 French and 11 Afghan Civilians including policemen) and 32 injured. I spent the entire day at home as we had been ordered into lockdown and contemplated all that had happened that morning. I am not sure when this country will be rid of all this violence. But as I saw images later in the evening of the destruction of the area just 2 blocks away from my home, it was almost like another day in a relatively normal life in Kabul. In 3 or 4 days, the buildings will be repaired, new windows installed, rubbled will be cleaned up and you will never be able to tell that this attack ever happened. But for me, this attack was different. I don't think that I will ever forget it. For the first time since I've been here, it was just a little to close for comfort. 

 Below is a link to some photos from the attack. They are very graphic so please view them at your discretion.