93. Anti-Foreign Afghanistan
You can't turn on the TV without hearing some news report about how Afghans are all for President Karzai signing the Bilateral Security Agreement (BSA) to keep the US Troops and the American presence in Afghanistan. But in the last 12 years that I have been in and out of this country, I don't remember feeling such a strong anti-foreign sentiment from the people I deal with on a daily basis as I do nowadays. Each day when I go to work, I notice the hateful glares - as opposed to the curious stares that I used to get. There was a time when people found out that I was from the US, they would gravitate towards me. Their inquisitiveness made them so endearing to me. They treated me with respect and went out of their way to display their best efforts in ensuring my pleasure. The expats that work in Afghanistan, with the exception of a few bad seeds, have always been quirky and eccentric individuals whom the Afghans couldn't help but find charming. Our relationships with each other and with our Afghan counterparts and colleagues have always been defined by the level of respect, camaraderie, light-heartedness, professionalism and most importantly respect that we shared for one another. Yes, we expats did complain about the level of laziness, incompetence, backwardness, simplicity and lack of a desire for hard work that has always been prevalent in Afghanistan but the way that we were embraced by Afghans more than made up for it. None of that exists anymore. First of all, I often find myself the only expat around, whether its at work, at social events, at meetings or out shopping. There are so very few internationals left in Afghanistan. And for those of us that are here, we seem to be carrying the burden of all the deterioration of the economy, the lack of progress in the development of the nation, the corruption, the moral decline of the nation, the inadequacy of the government and the failure of the foreign (specifically, the US) efforts in Afghanistan.
Just yesterday, I was stopped around the corner of my apartment by the local police officer who is posted to control the traffic in and out of my street where the Ministry of Interior is located. He started arguing with my driver about why a different car drops me off every day - which is a huge exaggeration. There are only two cars in our office that I have ever been driven in. He refused to let us through and so I got out of the car and grabbed my purse, laptop bag, and handful of grocery bags and told him not to argue and that I would just walk. He then proceeded to yell at me about how he is in this "Bad Bakht" (God Damn) position because of me and asking where I have been in the past 25 years that now why I have returned and caused this misery on him. I stopped walking, turned toward him and looked straight into his eyes to find such hatred and anger. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I tried to justify his words by convincing myself that maybe he was just having a bad day, but the intensity in his eyes and his words really threw me off. He really believed that he was in this position because of me. I explained to him that he was there because he was protecting the Minister who was sitting in a plush office at the end of the street and not me. I told him that for his information, for most of the last 12 out of the 25 years that had passed, I was right where we were standing. And finally, I told him that he should be ashamed of himself for harassing me in front of everyone on the street the way he was doing which didn't go to well with him and he started yelling even more at which time, I decided to make my exit.
The rest of the evening and this morning, every little sound I heard outside my front door made me jump. I know its probably nothing but I have let this guy now play with my head. I keep thinking he's going to come now and take his revenge from me. I am sure he won't and that nothing will happen but its made me think how much things have changed that now in addition to fearing the insurgents, I have to fear the police as well. I want to be angry but all I feel right now is disappointed. For the first time since I got here, I found myself wondering last night do I really want to stay?
Just yesterday, I was stopped around the corner of my apartment by the local police officer who is posted to control the traffic in and out of my street where the Ministry of Interior is located. He started arguing with my driver about why a different car drops me off every day - which is a huge exaggeration. There are only two cars in our office that I have ever been driven in. He refused to let us through and so I got out of the car and grabbed my purse, laptop bag, and handful of grocery bags and told him not to argue and that I would just walk. He then proceeded to yell at me about how he is in this "Bad Bakht" (God Damn) position because of me and asking where I have been in the past 25 years that now why I have returned and caused this misery on him. I stopped walking, turned toward him and looked straight into his eyes to find such hatred and anger. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I tried to justify his words by convincing myself that maybe he was just having a bad day, but the intensity in his eyes and his words really threw me off. He really believed that he was in this position because of me. I explained to him that he was there because he was protecting the Minister who was sitting in a plush office at the end of the street and not me. I told him that for his information, for most of the last 12 out of the 25 years that had passed, I was right where we were standing. And finally, I told him that he should be ashamed of himself for harassing me in front of everyone on the street the way he was doing which didn't go to well with him and he started yelling even more at which time, I decided to make my exit.
The rest of the evening and this morning, every little sound I heard outside my front door made me jump. I know its probably nothing but I have let this guy now play with my head. I keep thinking he's going to come now and take his revenge from me. I am sure he won't and that nothing will happen but its made me think how much things have changed that now in addition to fearing the insurgents, I have to fear the police as well. I want to be angry but all I feel right now is disappointed. For the first time since I got here, I found myself wondering last night do I really want to stay?
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